Just musings, lessons, accomplishments and realizations. I've asked myself why do I go back then forth on being here or anywhere in the community. Yet now I think i've learned from the cycles and it's changed lots within me. What i have to offer isn't what others want to learn. Which goes into the whole students aren't ready for the master and I retired my server that was once open to students. I feel free and less hurt by the double standards, politics, etc.
I know the door here is open to me which I appreciate yet some recent lessons that i've been integrating resulted in me growing more silent. I don't even want to be seen and just not important to me. So as I continue to go on my path as a self procalimed knight and just aknowledge myself moving forward. Don't feel like doing any sort of ritual or self made celebration. I don't even really want to say my rank cause it's not important to me yet just this once as I aknowledge myself with a smile. I feel a resonance ripple from me through the force and a thrum of frequency. It goes out and comes back to me like a wind current that ruffles your hair softly. Powerful, full of love, and it's proud of me. Sees me whispers wisdom to me and how my journey makes me strong. That my story is different so I have my own lessons to overcome.
That it doesn't make me any less and it's proud of me for realizing, learning, integrating those lessons. That you have to learn those yourself and aknoweldge what's inside becuase even if people tell me that it'snot like it makes a lasting difference. It's only a temperary difference that is short lived but when your strong in yourself it's better to be so. I am grateful and thank you force for helping me grow into a stronger me. I'm so happy I got to accomplish my dreams and now I get to have more dreams come true.
I continue to hone myself, my goals, and get my stuff done. Idk how much I'll share because practicing speaking up even if others who hate me isn't my goal anymore. Holding space amidst conflict isn't my goal anymore. I've learned and been able to stand amidst diversity. My direction is changing now and I'm taking time to allow the realizations to come through like they did today when I was conflicted with some choices/emotions/thoughts. There is no place to belong, I seek to hold space for myself and my continued growth. Some people can also support you, hold space, and yet what's more important is you just quietly move around doing your thing in the shadows. Just your friendly shadow fulcum adept.
The hurt from Tragemite thinking otherwise of me no longer exists. I have found joy in my path, my lessons I lean into, and have found a sense of ineternaly accomplishment in my studies as a Sith who studied Jedi. I'm grateful to Justin from axioms of ashla and his wisdom on our talk on Wednesday. Stoked to train and read some of his work.
https://youtube.com/shorts/aqGNJufU3jo?si=Gb6h2TFPFauiBWsR
https://youtube.com/shorts/meV_WuprzuU?si=R9LM_xyEvr841S03
R.I.C. E.
E D O G
W E E O
A O R
R L C
D O I
S G O Y N
4 motivators.
Speech from last years induction
The chosen song i'm competing with. Finding the right outfit to wear or either making my own bodysuit.
Healing involves grieving ❤️🩹
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDLq-EhR5OD/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Learning new skill
Calming Meditation
https://www.youtube.com/live/kSdErVgQQR4?si=IX0mJwLBk9HT0vY3
By me 4 years ago hahaha damn
Goodbye Links
Verse 1:
Missing Links Hissing stinks
Your a jinx and you stink
I let you sink as I blink
No longer will I be in a kink
Pre Chorus
I let you go with love
while you believe lies and false ties
Verse 2:
I'm okay with being the bad guy
I'm done tolerating this guy
Your house energy is a big sty
I'm glad i don't have to die
Pre Chorus:
Down there in that valley
I trust my alley
I an the captain of my ship
now get out of my galley
Chorus:
I'm okay with being the bad guy
I'm done tolerating this guy
Your house energy is a big sty
I'm glad i don't have to die inside anymore
Verse 3:
I don't have to hold back nor take flack
while letting his twist stories that are far from glory
This isn't my story so I remove quarrel
and write my own story
Pre Chorus:
Down there in my galley
I chart and tally
I an the captain of my ship
and travel away from the slip
Chorus:
I'm okay with being the bad guy
I'm done tolerating this guy
Your house energy is a big sty
I'm glad i don't have to die inside anymore
Bridge:
I used to fight for you
I used to be a light for you
I'm that x men who tolerated Charles
While he be talking behind my back
with no slack not giving him any flack
I would've died for you
yet no longer tied to you
Chorus:
I'm okay with being the bad guy
I'm done tolerating this guy
Your house energy is a big sty
I'm glad i don't have to die inside anymore
Intro: From my future self to my present self who has been nominated to be knighted and someday will receive one of the highest honors in service. Chivalry. Cardinal Virtues. Self Development. Self Growth.
Life Lessons
When you no longer feel a need for protection to be included your whole life changes because no one can take away from how you act or who you are.
When you face adversity yet remain gentle, humble, kind, understanding, open, centered in yourself you know you’ve done the work.
When recognition or lack of recognition doesn’t matter anymore amidst naysayers you know you’ve found yourself on a. deep level. That you acknowledge yourself and that alone is good enough.
Short Bio:She was Lady Arashoka who learned to believe in herself, recognize herself, and continue her amazing journey as an empowered being. Through her darkest times she found her light and healed herself through integrating her shadows. She grew strong, centered, and remained herself in a world that sought to change her. She travelled where no human dares to go bravely and even if she fails she continued to achieve multiple victories in her own timing.
She is a force to be reckoned with and is a pioneer who affects multiple generations by just being her. smiles internally She rests, nourishes herself properly, and embraces her voracious never ending appetite for accomplishing her goals. The fire burns bright yet steadily into the day to nights. She isn’t Ashoka Tano yet Lady Arashoka Da’ii Bendu a future Dame who has received many honors in her life. It all started with her and ended with her.
You change the world the by changing what’s inside, most make the mistake of trying to change what’s outside of them or their control.. We are all like snakes shedding our skins and becoming better versions of ourself by doing the great work. You are your own magnum opus yet you have to make that choice by looking inside instead of outside. -Lady Arashoka
Remain soft, go through all the motions, hardening comes from various things just like in martial arts we use breathe meditations to remain relaxed with our muscles whilst walking over painful objects, remain soft yet grounded n firm in oneself. Yet able to also go with the flow and evolve into better self. Light. Unconditional love.
Decalcify the hardening. Embody/integrate the lessons, adjust expectaions, hold the new boudnaries, go forth in light and aetherial grace. Most people become bitter and go to dark palces after being worn down. Heh been there myself.....yet healing is the key. taps pen as she sees the chaos ebb to flow It's like remaining soft so you dun get torn apart by the torrent and even if you do that's cause your shedding. If you dig claws in you lose claws and it hurts. Turns from dirt to rocks.
Submit to it all and know you can make choices in the flow of that torrential energy. I am that energy. It is within me and around me. clicks pen again and observes self we getting there. Been working on it for few years. yawns and walks away Gotta get ready for my gig tonight.
An excerpt i'm proud of myself for saying.
Yeah I have hahaha experienced a lot of that on my path. I got berated a lot and other things but it all made me stronger in the end. I just learned to be myself, hold onto what i'm learning in this path, trust in the force to bring me to the right teachers. I don't really feel dejected anymore and when I hold my saber I just feel myself on my path. I'm me. I trained hard. No one can take away from me. I don't fight to be included anymore and just do my thing happily in my corner. I remain curious and come here each year to learn more because i love it. Over my time I’ve grown lots and no one has to see that. I don’t care to be seen and grown more silent because I don’t need to speak on it. I don’t go to inferior, nor try to prove myself, and so many things I did in past.
I feel more empowered in my own path as a Jedi who also trained as a Sith. I like it and enjoy what I learn here. I do need to go through and hope everyone has a great rest of the evening. It was nice to see everyone. Much love to everyone. MTFBWY.
Shoutout to those who are putting this together. See you guys tomorrow.
-Apprentice Arashoka Da'ii Bendu
Jedi Lessons:
You can't fix the past. Let it be there and stay there. Step away from carrying it.
No one can take away from you except yourself. Only I can put myself against a wall.
Forgive yourself. If you made mistakes it's okay, let it all go.
Amidst double standards, hypocrisy, and more.....learn how to express in a way that benefits if that is what you are called to do.
Being emotionally neglected has lead to some things that i'm working past. Doing major shadow self work and hoping to do better while healing on my past. While also listening to the force and going with it's guidance.
Daily Affirmation:
I'm an amazing Jedi who trained and is still learning. We are always constantly growing and choosing to lean onto the teachings is what helps me on a daily basis.