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Just musings, lessons, accomplishments and realizations. I've asked myself why do I go back then forth on being here or anywhere in the community. Yet now I think i've learned from the cycles and it's changed lots within me. What i have to offer isn't what others want to learn. Which goes into the whole students aren't ready for the master and I retired my server that was once open to students. I feel free and less hurt by the double standards, politics, etc. I know the door here is open to me which I appreciate yet some recent lessons that i've been integrating resulted in me growing more silent. I don't even want to be seen and just not important to me. So as I continue to go on my path as a self procalimed knight and just aknowledge myself moving forward. Don't feel like doing any sort of ritual or self made celebration. I don't even really want to say my rank cause it's not important to me yet just this once as I aknowledge myself with a smile. I feel a resonance ripple from me through the force and a thrum of frequency. It goes out and comes back to me like a wind current that ruffles your hair softly. Powerful, full of love, and it's proud of me. Sees me whispers wisdom to me and how my journey makes me strong. That my story is different so I have my own lessons to overcome. That it doesn't make me any less and it's proud of me for realizing, learning, integrating those lessons. That you have to learn those yourself and aknoweldge what's inside becuase even if people tell me that it'snot like it makes a lasting difference. It's only a temperary difference that is short lived but when your strong in yourself it's better to be so. I am grateful and thank you force for helping me grow into a stronger me. I'm so happy I got to accomplish my dreams and now I get to have more dreams come true. I continue to hone myself, my goals, and get my stuff done. Idk how much I'll share because practicing speaking up even if others who hate me isn't my goal anymore. Holding space amidst conflict isn't my goal anymore. I've learned and been able to stand amidst diversity. My direction is changing now and I'm taking time to allow the realizations to come through like they did today when I was conflicted with some choices/emotions/thoughts. There is no place to belong, I seek to hold space for myself and my continued growth. Some people can also support you, hold space, and yet what's more important is you just quietly move around doing your thing in the shadows. Just your friendly shadow fulcum adept. The hurt from Tragemite thinking otherwise of me no longer exists. I have found joy in my path, my lessons I lean into, and have found a sense of ineternaly accomplishment in my studies as a Sith who studied Jedi. I'm grateful to Justin from axioms of ashla and his wisdom on our talk on Wednesday. Stoked to train and read some of his work.

What is a Jedi to me? Someone who takes responsibility for their emotions, no matter how justified they believe they are in feeling them. Someone who takes responsibility for thier actions, even when no one is watching. Someone who will encourage anyone who needs it, even if that person is not well liked. Someone who will defend weaker persons, even from themselves, with action if necessary. I've always had trouble with doing "the right thing". Drug dealing and addiction left a behavior pattern in me that was not easy to break, nor is it easy to keep at bay. Struggling every day to keep my own selfishness under control and teach 5 children to do the same, had left me with a feeling that it was impossible without outside intervention. After studying and discussion, I knew I had to cultivate my own strength, my own discipline, to move forward and break the hold that I had allowed selfishness to take on me. I had to learn that "doing the right thing" is not an action, it is a decision. A Jedi, to me, is a person who practices selflessness in everything they do.

As you begin your journey, consider carefully as you make your first entry into your journal. We would like for you to explore your feelings and understanding of the following questions: What is the Force, and what is your connection to it? What does it mean for a Jedi to maintain an open mind, and why is it important? What is the Jedi code, what do the parts mean, and how does it apply to your daily life? What is a Jedi, and why are you striving to be one? Contemplate, meditate on these questions and explore what it is you seek on your path as a Jedi.